The Snail
by Avlin
Summary: Kate's further adventures stalking her favorite teacher. The happyish couple tries to find alone time.


The scent of basil and roses in full bloom wafted gently on the humid night air. A cool breeze carrying the smell blew through Severus's hair as he padded softly across the campus lawn. He paused a moment to take in the atmosphere and enjoy the feel of the moist grass between his toes.

The gentle smell of the herbs was soon over taken by the aroma of clove cigarettes. Surprised by this new fragrance, Severus looked around. The smell was coming from behind a tall hedge. Thinking the Kate had perhaps switched brands; he eagerly followed his nose.

When he turned the corner he was shocked to see two people making out on one of the stone seats. Thinking perhaps Kate had gotten distracted; he rushed over and pushed the two apart.

"What the fucking hell is you problem you stupid fucking- oh, **_HELL_**o, professor Snape", Avilin, Kate's best friend said, trying to recover herself in a lady-like manner.

Snape furrowed his brow as he looked from Avlin's disgruntled face to the angry face of her make-out partner. His face was shadowed by thick, tangled black hair. The guy looked familiar but Severus had no time to ponder the young man's identity.

"Sorry, Avlin... er... have you seen Kate", Severus asked, too embarrassed to help either of the two to their feet.

"Hurrumph", Avlin's 'friend' said grumpily.

"No, I haven't. I think she said something about meeting you by the statue of the Snail", Avlin said as her 'friend' helped her to her feet.

"Ah- uh- well- very sorry- must go- bye-bye", Severus said as he quickly turned on his heel and strode off into the night.

"Can you believe that fucking retard", Avlin's 'friend' said as soon as Severus was out of ear-shot.

"Oh, baby, it's okay. He probably thought I was Kate or some such thing. Sit back down, Sirius, we never get to spend time together", Avlin said sweetly.

"Err _grumble, grumble, grumble, really, really naughty word. _I've always hated that guy", Sirius, Avlin's 'friend' said as he sat down once more.

"I have a joint", Avlin said softly.

"Really?!?"

"Beg, baby", Avlin said with smirk.

Sirius got down on his knees and laid his head on her lap. He whimpered quietly in a pathetic, but sexy, way until she slipped a blunt between his lips.

As Sirius lit the fatty he choked on the smoke. "What do you mean he was looking for K-kate", Sirius asked. "What is _she_ doing with that a-"

Avlin cut him off. "Ah, ah... that's my best friend's man you're about to call an ass."

"Can't she do better that that a- I mean that guy", Sirius asked, passing the blunt.

Avlin took a long drag off the blunt and choked.

"Hahahahaha! You take it like a bitch", Sirius laughed.

Avlin smacked him on the back of his head. "Bad dogie", she said hoarsely. She cleared her throat and then continued. "I don't think it's a matter of her doing better. They make each other happy. That's what's important. Besides, look at us... you're a freakin' escaped convict and I'm still in school..."

"I know.. let's not talk about that right now, baby", Sirius said with a shiver.

Avlin wrapped her arms around him and leaned her head against his chest. "I love you, baby."

"Sirius tapped out the blunt and squeezed her tightly. "I love you too."

Severus walked swiftly through the gardens, not enjoying the pleasant fragrance quite as much as before. As he approached the statue of the Snail he saw a lonely figure sitting with it's back against it. Trying to avoid his previous mistake, he crouched down and watched for a moment.

Soon, a skinny young man came running across the lawn carrying a large bunch of flowers. Severus instantly recognized the young man as Harry Potter. The first person stood and opened his arms.

"Lupin", Severus thought, putting two and two together slowly. A wicked smile curled his thin lips as he pulled his wand from his left sleeve and aimed it at Harry's feet. "Trippo", he whispered.

Harry fell face down on the ground, crushing his flowers. Severus rolled on the ground himself, trying to suppress his wild giggles.

Lupin helped Harry to his feet and admired his flowers.

"Aw, they're beautiful", he exclaimed. "A little crushed, but beautiful just the same."

Harry pushed his hair out of his eyes and looked up sheepishly, a smile on his face. "I don't know what happened, I guess I fell."

"No shit", Severus whispered to himself.

"Well, come on Harry, I want you to get enough rest tonight, so let's go find a quiet spot", Lupin said, kissing Harry's cheek.

The two wandered off into the night together. Severus thought about following them but decided to find Kate instead.

As he prepared to rise to his feet he heard a soft whisper in his ear.

"I saw that", the voice said.

Severus whirled around and saw no one there. He hurried off, afraid to linger any longer. "Stupid ghosts. Always sneaking up on people", Severus whispered as he tried not to run away like a scared bitch.

Severus sat down next to the snail statue and looked around. No one was there. He felt very lonely and small against the surrounding darkness. He lit one of his cigarettes and strained his ears for any noises. For many long seconds he heard nothing. Then, the sound of giggles and the rustle of robes came from behind him.

He squatted down behind the statue and peeked around the corner.

Minerva McGanagal and Professor Dumbledore came out of the bushes kissing and wearing their robes inside-out.

Severus fell over backwards clutching his eyes and moaning in horror. He wished he could burn out his eyes. He might have done so had he not known the image would remain forever burned in his mind.

As the new couple walked passed him they looked down.

"What's the problem", Dumbledore asked.

"Nothing", Severus said weakly.

"Oh, carry on then", Dumbledore said as the two strolled away.

When he heard the patter of old, twitterpated feet off in the distance Severus whispered, "It can't get any worse than that- _yech!_"

He immediately wished he hadn't ever opened his big stupid retarded mouth.

Quirelle and Draco walked by, holding hands. They noticed him only briefly.

"D-damn, Sna-snape", Quirelle muttered, "always drunk somewhere."

"I'm not drunk, you two-faced weirdo", Severus shouted, wishing that he was so he wouldn't remember any of it the next day.

"That's okay", Draco shouted back, "I like that kinda' thing. It's only kinky the first time!"

"Uuughhh, where's a gun", Snape said, rolling over on his stomach.

Severus lay there for quite sometime. He was too afraid to say anything, look up, or move or blink or breathe or do anything else that might cause another terrifying, eye-scorching incident.

Without warning, he felt a gentle hand on his head, stroking his hair. He looked up slowly, almost afraid to see what weirdo was touching him.

He was warmed by the sight of Kate's kind face. "Thank god it's you", Snape exclaimed, reaching out for a hug, still lying on his stomach.

Kate smiled and smacked him on his head. "I saw what you did to poor Harry! He worked so hard on growing those flowers for Lupin."

Severus rubbed his head as he stood up. "Sorry", he muttered, starring down at his feet in a guilty sorta' way.

"It's okay, I laughed too. But I was laughing at you! You looked so funny with you little skinny legs stuck up in the air while you were trying not to laugh!"

Severus smiled sheepishly. "Glad you're not mad at me. But hey! Where were you this whole time?"

A naughty gleam flashed once again in Kate's eyes, making them greener than usual. "You know, I just love stalking you. It makes thing so much more interesting. I was about to come up to you once Harry and Lupin left but then I saw Dumbledore and McGonagal going off into the bushes together and I decided to wait. Once they left Quirelle and Draco started coming towards you so I waited again. What the hell is this? Valentine's Day?"

Severus smiled. "Yes it is!"

"Oh", Kate said, caught off guard for the first time. "I brought you this. It's my favorite cigarette!" She held out the slightly bent and squished cigarette in her hand, smiling her best smile.

"Aw, you shouldn't have. Here, this is my favorite piece of beef jerky", he said, holding out a molded piece of dehydrated meat.

"Ewww thanks. Yawn, I'm off to bed. Coming with", Kate asked sleepily.

"No, you're coming with me", Severus said, taking her by the hand and dragging her off into the night.

The End


End file.
